Waiting

I have been frequenting the blog of a girl, who has been on quite an intense personal journey in her life the last few years, and she often relates her ups and downs, triumphs and stumbles, to the idea that, God is like an author, writing the story that is our life. It isn't a new concept. I've heard it used numerous times, in a hundred places. In fact it's almost over used, to the point of loosing the impact of what that image implies for each of us. But tonight it flashed through my mind again as I was thinking about the concept of waiting on His timing for our future, and the dreams Mark and I have. The thought crossed my mind that, we can either relinquish the pen so he can write our narrative, or wrestle with him trying to hold the pen to write our own plan for the story, and end up with scribbles all over the page. It is a comforting thought though, that even when there is a scribble in the middle of a chapter, he doesn't stop writing. He writes right through the ink blots and scratches, and it doesn't change what he is writing about you, or the outcome of the story. He is in the role of the narrative voice in the book, who knows the main character (our self) better than even we do, because he is the one who has written into the story every nuance and trait. He knows the plot twists and turns, because they are being directed and honed by his hand. And he knows what happens in the last chapter. And that, gives me deep peace.

Balancing (or toppling over, whichever you prefer)

Blogging has just not fit into my life lately. But I miss it! Even on a good month I only manage about 3 or 4 posts, and only write a small fraction of the thoughts I mentally blog about. Having time to sit and process thoughts, muse and emote is just such a rare thing... And, being the possessor of so little selfdiscipline as I am, if I let myself get on the computer for one minute, even just to balance my checkbook, it's pretty much guaranteed that an hour later, I will suddenly realise that I manged to catch up on all of the BBC, Facebook, and blogging world latest, but in that time, all my past week's work has been entirely undone by my WONDERFUL, creative, numerous kids. So I have been trying to keep some semblance of restraint lately, and actually DO the things I'm supposed to do, WHEN I'm supposed to do them. (After all, that is the mantra I am pounding into the young, impressionable minds that live in my house... ) Which means blogging has joined many other lovely things in my life, such as journaling and writing personal letters, up on that  dusty, top shelf of my priorities; the one that's up so high I can't see what's on it and need a step stool to get something off of it. There are just different phases of our lives, where the things that feel important shift places for a while. I love to write randomness for my own off loading and perhaps for the mild amusement of others at times too, but for a while at least, those moments may need to be few and far between so I can function more effectively in the areas that demand more of my presence. But unpredictable and inconsistent IS what this little blog is all about anyway. Which if you follow, you know, I'm not joking when I say, you never know what you're going to get here... So now that my left arm is asleep from holding my 27 pound, sleeping baby boy, and I have written this entire post one handed, I am going to excuse myself to go climb a mountain... the one waiting for me down in the laundry room. (Not quite as fun and exciting but JUST as hazardous!) Thanks for always stickin around and being willing to take what ya can get! :)

A fresh start.

Everyone posted their New Years thoughts and resolutions yesterday. Just to be different I thought I'd wait till January 2nd. Actually that's not true. I just didn't get around to it! HA!

A lot of people seem to have negative feelings with regards to making New Years resolutions ranging from indifference to hatred. I think it stems from fear of failure. They don't want to set specific goals because they are convinced they will fall short of the mark. So it is better easier not to make any resolutions. But I rather like them. It feels like a great opportunity to draw a symbolic line in the sand of my life and step into a new season. I know that I will not carry out all those aspirations, fulfil each hope or reach all my goals, but what a wonderful chance to renew my efforts. I think I make "New Years" resolutions all year long, repeatedly. The purpose of a goal is not to attain perfect completion of it but to have a vision, and a direction to head in. Remember this is coming from me- the Queen of  Procrastination! I know I'm going to get lazy. I know I'm going to forget. I know I'll fall back into old habits a few times. But I have that idea out in front of me keeping me focused on where I want to be. And if we never push forward to some place farther than where we are now, because we might only get half way there, won't we end up stranded right where we started? I want to look back in a year and see that there was growth, and that I at least made a genuine effort in the areas I struggle, and movement toward my goals.That doesn't sound like failure at all to me