Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Am I Just Standing Still?

Is it a bad thing that when I go back and read my own posts from 3 years ago it all still feels relevant? It's the same when I read journal entries that I wrote 10 years ago. Does it simply mean that what spoke to me then is still resonating in my heart, or doesn't mean I haven't grown at all? It's hard to gauge where you are on the journey.



Monday, July 11, 2016

The Importance of Being Ernest



There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.

Ernest Hemingway

Welp. Here goes...
Again.

(On a side note- all photographs from here on out will be mine unless otherwise stated. Yay!)  


Monday, August 18, 2014

Perspective. Again.




I am constantly wavering back and forth between being content with what my life looks like, and longing for dreams that have yet to be realised. The last few weeks have been the latter, on a very deep level, that has left me feeling discouraged and bereft. Today God brought such gentle reminders of how he cares for us through the words of wise people and conversations with others who are in similar places. He knows what we need.
 
I know that ultimately, the purpose for our lives, and our children's lives, is not to fulfill our personal hopes and dreams, the aspirations we have for ourselves, or hopes for our children; the ultimate purpose is to follow the Lord's leading and be used by him for his purposes and plans for us. It is a matter of trust, that we believe Him when he says that he knows the plans he has for us and they are filled with his goodness and hope and a future.  If that means we need to walk through the desert for 25 years to truly step into our full destiny, then I want to trust him, and not allow my discontent to push me to take short cuts and possibly miss the fullness of the future he has for us, or chances to be used in some one else's life because of where we are, and what we are going through.
 
The unique thing about how God works, is that the contentment can reside in the same place as the dreams and desires. He makes room for both. But I do not find that balance so easily. It is so hard to trust and even harder to understand why our journey must have so many pit falls and obstacles, lost dreams, and unfulfilled or delayed hopes. My brain does not trust His goodness easily, but my spirit never questions it. And that is the paradox of being both body and soul in one being, redeemed and fallen at the same moment in time. The Father does not view the span of our lives from the finite place of time. He sees the end, the present and beginning of our life as a whole. Our part in his story.
 
And never once have we ever walked alone.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Perspective

Such a good reminder today,

That it is not about me. This process is not about my dreams or vision. The waiting is not about my plans.

My life is His, to do with as he chooses, to bring him glory, and to fulfill His purpose in my life, and through that in the lives of anyone He chooses to use it in.

It is all about him.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

The wait.

Your presence is all I need,
It's all I want.
Without it, there's no meaning.



If your presence does not go with us... Do not send us up from here.

Decisions.
Listening.
Letting go.


ex. 33:15

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Selling Out

I find myself seeking the solice of anonymity more and more often. It is often easier to bare my soul amid unknown strangers or the few who desire to see it. I am not fond of selling myself to others or needing to convince people to hang out with me or listen to me. I would rather wait forever for the right person to hear my thoughts, than to create false opportunity for myself. Genuine relationship over popularity and self esteem padding every time.