Sunday, May 9, 2010
Yep- Random Ponderings indeed!
I know it's Mother's Day. I should be writing something deep and meaningful that will make my Mom cry. I just don't feel like it at the moment. Besides, I did that back in November '08 after Zaria was born, you can go back and read it if you want to know how I feel about my mom and being a mother. ;) As a matter of fact, I have no idea what I am writing about at this moment, just felt like writing something! The past few weeks have been the epitome of how my life is, just an endless run of days where I try and try to accomplish the same things over and over, with out ever quite getting there. I'm feeling pretty ready for a change of pace! And although having baby #5 will certainly mix things up a bit, (haha) that's not quite what I'm talking about. I'm ready to go on a road trip, or a 2nd honeymoon, or move to another country (sorry Mom, it's just how I was built). Basically, I am feeling the need for some change. Most people hate change or at best, tolerate it but prefer to keep it at a distance. And I do have those parts of my psyche that enjoy some consistency, and the feeling of stability, but I can only go for so long before I need to have my "normal" dramatically altered, at least for a little while. For the past several years I've struggled to just be content with my life, because it's pretty darn awesome, so how can I complain? Nevertheless- I find myself complaining all the time. I actually love Kansas City, and all of our amazing friends here. Something in me just needs to have a new challenge, new surroundings and new experiences on a regular basis. I think if we were able to travel a bit more (OK- allot more) I would be able to come back to KC and settle in for a few months of nice, consistent routine. Maybe. I would still want to have a fundamental change, but it would be easier to stay content. Mark and I have been feeling for quite awhile that this season of our lives is coming to a close, and that God has something new on the horizon. We just have no idea what form that something might take. Is it a drastic, physical change, like moving? Or just as simple as the focus of what we are doing with our life being shifted? Inside I find myself holding my breath, that my dreams are going to come true and we are going to find ourselves some where sophisticated, or exotic. But I am feeling pretty sure that we either need to just keep waiting on His timing and direction, because a big change is not immanently pending, or that we are in the middle of the change of seasons, and when we look back, we'll discover just what it was, and be amazed. One thing I am truly grateful for, is that I know I have a God I can trust, that I don't have to trust my own wisdom exclusively, and that his timing has always been, and always will be, perfect. So I will keep sitting here in the exotic Mid-west USA, and enjoy the good things I have. Even if my day to day life consists primarily of cleaning and trying not to loose my patience with my kids. My life is pretty sweet. So, here's to waiting! And to hoping for at least a date night in the next month or so!