I am constantly wavering back and forth between being content with what my life looks like, and longing for dreams that have yet to be realised. The last few weeks have been the latter, on a very deep level, that has left me feeling discouraged and bereft. Today God brought such gentle reminders of how he cares for us through the words of wise people and conversations with others who are in similar places. He knows what we need.
I know that ultimately, the purpose for our lives, and our children's lives, is not to fulfill our personal hopes and dreams, the aspirations we have for ourselves, or hopes for our children; the ultimate purpose is to follow the Lord's leading and be used by him for his purposes and plans for us. It is a matter of trust, that we believe Him when he says that he knows the plans he has for us and they are filled with his goodness and hope and a future. If that means we need to walk through the desert for 25 years to truly step into our full destiny, then I want to trust him, and not allow my discontent to push me to take short cuts and possibly miss the fullness of the future he has for us, or chances to be used in some one else's life because of where we are, and what we are going through.
The unique thing about how God works, is that the contentment can reside in the same place as the dreams and desires. He makes room for both. But I do not find that balance so easily. It is so hard to trust and even harder to understand why our journey must have so many pit falls and obstacles, lost dreams, and unfulfilled or delayed hopes. My brain does not trust His goodness easily, but my spirit never questions it. And that is the paradox of being both body and soul in one being, redeemed and fallen at the same moment in time. The Father does not view the span of our lives from the finite place of time. He sees the end, the present and beginning of our life as a whole. Our part in his story.
And never once have we ever walked alone.