Maya-

Stolen  here, compliments of my friends amazing blog. 

Selling Out

I find myself seeking the solace of anonymity more and more often. It is often easier to bare my soul amid unknown strangers or the few who desire to see it. I am not fond of selling myself to others or needing to convince people to hang out with me or listen to me. I would rather wait forever for the right person to hear my thoughts, than to create false opportunity for myself. I will choose genuine relationship over popularity and self-esteem padding every time.

Push

Image Credit: Upsplash

I've sometimes let people push me away, even when I felt like I should pursue them. People that I cared about in the name of not being pushy. Out of fear. Even if I knew they were pushing me away out of fear or their own insecurities. If my first initial attempts to reach out and be friendly were not received warmly I will stop pursuing a relationship. I'm being polite. I'm not a fan of pushing myself in where I'm not wanted. But I know in my head that we often push each other away when we really need each other most. It is such a challenge to overcome our own insecurities and reach past the other person's insecurities and love them anyway. That is how we change each other for good though. That is how love works.

Short sighted

It's so easy to see the reasons why others have reoccurring struggles. Standing on the outside, the pit falls and bad habits are glaringly obvious. It's easy to see the choices that would lead them to a path of victory over their inner battles.

 

The question I have been asking myself since I was a teen, is why can't I see my own short comings with the same clarity? Clear vision that would lead me out of the labyrinth of poor habits and set my feet on something solid.  It is not the same thing as knowing I have a problem, or even being able to put a label on my own junk as a lack of self discipline or selfishness. I recognize the general issues, but I don't see them as clearly laid out in my own life as an outside observer would. I'm in the middle of them. It is maddening knowing that success and freedom are attainable and very available, yet stumbling over the exact same points, year after year.

 

~I have no answers to give. Which makes this a poorly written post. ~

But it's my reality.

  

His Beauty

I see your face in every sunrise,
The colors of the morning are inside your eyes,
You're beautiful.

A time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. John 4:23

Bearings

                                                                              Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
     

 I’ve forgotten who I am. My true identity. As a result, I have failed to walk with my head high, a daughter of the King. My confidence has waned because I have ceased seeing myself as who he says I am instead of through the filter of my shortcomings. I haven’t paid as much attention to things that I have cared about or taken the time to invest in myself.
Heaven help me.

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind... Rom. 12:2

Fernweh

Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.

- Jonathan Safran Foer