***All of these thoughts are in regards to a change my family is contemplating and so is very specific and only true for our particular scenario. I am fully aware that many of these aspects can coexist peacefully for many families. So no opinions or admonishments being spouted here. Just a bit of personal processing. ***
I have two separate, very different dreams and pictures in my head of what I want my kids' lives to look like. One of those dreams is being able to give them the things that they dream of right now, at this point during their childhood. Dreams like activities, lessons, sports and being able to get have basic needs met, when you need them, instead of having to wait months and months just to be able to buy underwear. I dream of them being able to live in a home that is comfortable, where they feel free to invite their friends and not embarrassed. A house where each person feels like they actually have space to breathe, where there's a place for everything, even for a dog. I want them to experience what it's like to live in a house with a fenced yard that they can actually play in, and maybe some trees to climb. That dream includes Mark and I being in a position of being able to help set them up for financial success and educational success in their futures. Our parents have been able to help us so much over the years and I dream of being able to offer the same kind of assistance and blessing to our children. I dream of leaving a heritage and an inheritance to give them physically and monetarily, not just spiritually and emotionally.
The other dream is not as concrete. The path this dream would lead us down means giving up many of the opportunities that would be possible in the first dream. It is a dream of them seeing the world and living outside of a box. A chance for my children to have experiences unlike average North American kids their age. Experiences which would hopefully set them up for having the right perspective on life and a wealth of knowledge at a young age, being able to understand other people and other cultures. It includes wanting them to see the hand of God moving in their own lives and with their own eyes and to experience his presence in tangible ways and to serve and to see him moving in others lives right in front of them. That dream sees them knowing what it means to sacrifice and what it means to find your reward in that sacrifice, as well as what it means to give out of your own need and then see your needs met in miraculous ways. That dream means growing up with thankfulness and gratefulness for the smallest of things and not taking anything for granted.
The struggle comes from knowing that we have to choose one. Either , or.